[OPEN ON SOUNDS OF CRICKETS, AND CRUNCHING LEAVES]

VIKKI OTHER: Hello friends and foes, fiends and foreigners, familiars and fae. It’s me, the one known far and wide as Vikki Other.

AXEL: Hurry it up, Other. We don’t have all day.

VIKKI OTHER: I’m with Axel currently. Outside. It’s dark, and the sky is devoid of stars for once. I believe in omens, of course, though I don’t know if I believe in good or bad. This certainly could be either. So, from my timeline to yours… welcome to Radio Other.

[THEY HUM THE INTRO BADLY. COMEDY? POSSIBLY]

AXEL: You better be keeping my name out of this, Other. I told you I wanted my work kept private.

VIKKI OTHER: Oh! Right! Sorry, of course, of course.

AXEL: Good.

[PAUSE, WALKING]

AXEL: So. What’s the plan?

VIKKI OTHER: Huh?

AXEL: We hop the fence, get the back door, then what?

VIKKI OTHER: Oh! Uh, well, I sorta remember the layout of the city hall from our trip there in seventh grade. And I think I remember some of the police station from freshman year…

AXEL: Get to the point, Other.

VIKKI OTHER: I’ll lead when we get there.

[AXEL SNORTS IN AMUSEMENT]

AXEL: Like hell.

[PAUSE]

VIKKI OTHER: Hang on- one second.

AXEL: What?

VIKKI OTHER: I’m going to try something. Just… don’t freak out.

AXEL: You better not be trying to-

[THEIR VOICE IS CUT OFF AS BILLIE OPENS. THIS TIME, VIKKI SOFTLY CHANTS ALONG]

AXEL: Holy fucking hell- what the fuck-

VIKKI OTHER: Sorry, that was Bil- my third eye. I’ve got it. We’ll need to shut off the cameras along the fence - can you do that?

AXEL: Obviously. I got one of mine to take care of the Watcher too, so she should be good. [CLATTERING] Signal scrambler. It should interfere with the CCTV long enough for us to get in.

VIKKI OTHER: Perfect. After that, we’ll need to take two lefts, and we’ll be out of the backrooms and near the main sector. There’s a hallway there that goes to archives - it goes below the police station though, so we’ll have to be quiet. I think those snazzy snipers might also keep their files down in the dark.

AXEL: And what would it cost for me to get you to talk normal?

VIKKI OTHER: I’m afraid my dynamic dialogue is priceless, Mx Ha- [THEY STOP] Mx A.

[AXEL SIGHS]

AXEL: Might as well just use my name. You’ve already said it as it is.

VIKKI OTHER: Oh sweet candied petunias, thank the forest beast. Good lord, that was a golly struggle.

A, exasperated : Of course that’s what you think is a struggle.

VIKKI OTHER: It is!

AXEL: Alright. We’re approaching the perimeter. 20 meters, give or take. Wait one sec.

[A BUZZING SOUND. TECH STUFF IS HAPPENING.]

A, cont: There. Cameras should be fried. We’re in.

VIKKI OTHER: Great! Fantabulous. Onto fence hopping. You first?

AXEL: Sure

[THEY CLIMB THE FENCE]

[A GRUNTS AS THEY LAND]

AXEL: Shit. Right. Door?

VIKKI OTHER: Over there-

[They walk over. Axel stops]

AXEL: Shit.

VIKKI OTHER: Whatsit now?

AXEL: Masterlock. These things take a hot second.

VIKKI OTHER: I bet I can get it.

AXEL: Don’t.

VIKKI OTHER: Hang on-

[A LOCK WHIRRS… AND CLICKS]

VIKKI OTHER: Whoo-hoo!!

A, hissing: Keep your voice down!

VIKKI OTHER: See? Shouldn’ta doubted me.

A, disgruntled: Congrats. Sorry if It’s hard to take someone in hot pink double-denim seriously.

VIKKI OTHER: It’s my first real heist! I wanted to dress for the occasion.

AXEL: You look like a flamingo. Congrats.

[THE DOOR OPENS]

[NOTE: ALL DIALOGUE THROUGHOUT THIS SHOULD BE HISSED IN A LOWER TONE. THEY’RE BEING SUBTLE/SNEAKY]

V, quiet: The fluorescent lights buzz overhead, down the dimly lit hallway. Tile floors, open doors. A cross between a hospital and a horror movie.There’s something deeply familiar about this. Nostalgic, even-

AXEL: Okay seriously, cut that out. We don’t need to record every detail.

VIKKI OTHER: Fine.

[THEY KEEP WALKING]

[EVENTUALLY THEY STOP]

VIKKI OTHER: This is it. Archives.

AXEL: Got that from the sign, Other.

VIKKI OTHER: Right. [NOT SOUNDING SORRY] Sorry.

[THE DOOR SWINGS OPEN, AND THEY SLOWLY WALK DOWN]

AXEL: Don’t walk so heavily. You’re making the floorboards creak like a shotgun.

VIKKI OTHER: Alright.

[PAUSE]

AXEL: What the fuck is that?

VIKKI OTHER: My light-walking. I am a feather, you see.

AXEL: Other, I-

VIKKI OTHER: My limbs are glass. I am one with the wind.

AXEL: Your face is this close to being one with my fist, Other.

VIKKI OTHER: And I will scream loudly, and ruin everything.

AXEL: …Assuming you don’t ruin things anyways.

[THEIR FOOTSTEPS SHIFT TO TILE]

AXEL: Where’s the file?

VIKKI OTHER: I….

[PAUSE]

VIKKI OTHER: I don’t know.

AXEL: God fucking dam-

VIKKI OTHER: There! There’s a computer in the corner. Let’s use it. We can look it up.

AXEL: It’s password protected. Do you know the password?

VIKKI OTHER: … No. [PAUSE] Wish Lizzy was here for this.

AXEL: Actually… Move aside. I’ve got it.

VIKKI OTHER: Huh? What are you-

AXEL: Don’t.

[TYPING]

AXEL: Alright. We have guest access. [RUMMAGING]

VIKKI OTHER: A flash drive? What will that-

AXEL: It has a virus on it that will corrupt any of the standard blocking software they have in place.

[SHUFFLING, TYPING CONTINUES]

VIKKI OTHER: Oooh! I once had a bug in my laptop!!

AXEL: Good for you.

VIKKI OTHER: It was an ant.

A, distracted: Cool.

VIKKI OTHER: It chewed through the internal circuits and accidentally tripled in size and grew an extra set of limbs. I thought it was cute but the government wouldn’t let me keep it as a pet when they came to retrieve it.

AXEL: Hm.

[A LITTLE “BLIP” HAPPENS]

A and VIKKI OTHER: We’re in.

VIKKI OTHER: Ooh!! I’ve always wanted to say that. I feel like a crazy hacker in a spy movie. Which, I basically am at this point. Which way do you think I have to turn my head to look into the camera so I can break the fourth wall and go kill the director? Push it in an existential surrealist angle.

AXEL: You ramble when you’re nervous.

VIKKI OTHER: No I don’t! I mean- what?

AXEL: It’s annoying. So I’m pointing it out. So you’ll stop.

VIKKI OTHER: … oh.

AXEL: Here. This is the database search. Go wild.

VIKKI OTHER: Alright.

[TYPING]

VIKKI OTHER: Uh… Vikki…. Other…. Okay. 5 Files showed up. What do I do?

AXEL: Are they physical or digital?

VIKKI OTHER: These are digital. Well… except for the last one. That says… file destroyed.

AXEL: Ignore that one, focus on the rest. I’ve got another flash drive. Plug it to the secondary USB on the side and export them into it.

VIKKI OTHER: How do I…

AXEL: Oh my- just let me do this part.

[CLICKING, TYPING]

AXEL: Done. What now?

VIKKI OTHER: Uh… search “John F Kennedy Junior”

[TYPING]

AXEL: Got 4 of these. 3 digital, one locked up.

VIKKI OTHER: Ignore the fourth one, get the-

AXEL: Hang on.

VIKKI OTHER: What? What’s up?

AXEL: This one has a tag. WBY-OGD-E.

VIKKI OTHER: So-

AXEL: It’s not formatted right. This was put in by someone who doesn’t work here. Hang on-

[CLICKING]

AXEL: There’s eight documents under this tag. Four of them are unavailable, two are filed in other locations. One of them is the other one we already talked about. But one of these… it’s in the same sub-series as the Kennedy file. And it’s basically been wiped of data. No provenance.

VIKKI OTHER: Sub-series?

AXEL: Look, I’m not an archivist, so don’t take my word for this but - usually, file management has five levels - fonds, series, sub-series, file, item. This means it’s grouped in the same category.

VIKKI OTHER: Oh.

[PAUSE]

VIKKI OTHER: Should we…

AXEL: Dunno, Other. I’m asking you.

[PAUSE]

VIKKI OTHER: Yes.

AXEL: Got it. [TYPING] I’ve scanned the reference code. It’s a tape recording.

VIKKI OTHER: I have a player.

AXEL: Perfect. [THEY UNPLUG THE DRIVES] Here. Keep the drive in your pocket… or, one of them, anyways. Then let’s go.

VIKKI OTHER: Right.

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

[EVERYTHING FROM HERE ON OUT SHOULD BE COMPLETELY WHISPERED]

VIKKI OTHER: How much farther?

AXEL: 20 feet. Stop asking.

VIKKI OTHER: Sorry.

[A LETS OUT A LOW HUFF]

VIKKI OTHER: Some of these files look really neat. This one’s about something called the Foundation… huh… the Hard-To-Destroy reptile. And ooh, this one says it’s on timeline inconsistencies! And look, it’s dated two weeks from now!

AXEL: Stop that- just- keep walking.

VIKKI OTHER: Hey, don’t-

[A LOW CLATTER ECHOES]

VIKKI OTHER: What was that?

AXEL: Fuck- hang back.

[THEY STOP. BOTH BREATHE SHAKILY]

[A DOOR OPENS FROM A WHILE AWAY]

POLICE OFFICER 1: You got any plans for after work?

POLICE OFFICER 2: Ah, sorry. No can do. Got some group therapy thing going on.

POLICE OFFICER 1: Thought you said Cassie wanted to quit that?

POLICE OFFICER 2: This is a different one - it’s specifically for parents who got their firstborns taken. A bit more specific. I think she’s liking it better.

POLICE OFFICER 1: Ahh. Good, good. Happy things are getting on, man.

POLICE OFFICER 2: Hell yeah.

[THEY LAUGH]

POLICE OFFICER 1: Hold up- think that’s the one.

[FOOTSTEPS GET CLOSER. BREATHING PICKS UP]

POLICE OFFICER 1: Yep. Here we go. Damn, it’s dusty down here. Whoever runs this dump should get her ass down here and clean every once and a while.

POLICE OFFICER 2: Hey, I’ve seen the old bag, don’t do Amber like that.

POLICE OFFICER 1: What? She blind as a bat and goin’ senile?

POLICE OFFICER 2: Maybe. Don’t think she has eyes. Plenty of thorns on those tentacles though, and a library science degree to boot, so I’d say sentient at least.

POLICE OFFICER 1: Of course it might not be, with all those social justice move… [THEIR VOICES FADE OUT, THE DOOR CLOSING]

[VIKKI RELEASES A BREATH]

VIKKI OTHER: Holy Azathoth… that was close…

AXEL: Way too close. Shit.

VIKKI OTHER: What do we-

AXEL: Keep going. And pick up the pace.

[THEY KEEP WALKING]

AXEL: Stop. There. Bottom shelf, to the side.

VIKKI OTHER: In the box?

AXEL: Yep.

VIKKI OTHER: Alright. [RUSTLING] I think I got it. This the right code?

AXEL: Perfect. Now let’s-

POLICE OFFICER 1: Hey, who's there?

AXEL: Shit.

VIKKI OTHER: What do we do?

AXEL: Run.

VIKKI OTHER: What-?

AXEL: GO!

VIKKI OTHER: Okay, okay!

[THEY BEGIN RUNNING]

POLICE OFFICER 1: Hey! Who are you?!

VIKKI OTHER: Your worst nightmare, buckaroo!

AXEL: Don’t shout after them, idiot! Sweet Tiamat…

[RUNNING CONTINUES]

AXEL: FUCK!

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

[PANTING. BACKGROUND FOREST NOISES]

VIKKI OTHER: … Thanks… for… that…

AXEL: Shut…. Up…

VIKKI OTHER: Seriously… [THEY REGAIN THEIR BREATH SLIGHTLY] That was helpful.

AXEL: Of course. Whatever. You still got everything?

VIKKI OTHER: Yep. Flash drive, tape, and… Otherphone. Good.

AXEL: What are you even recording this for?

VIKKI OTHER: Um… my show?

AXEL: You’re not going to fucking play this on the radio.

VIKKI OTHER: Well… er… that might…

[PAUSE]

… be a good idea. I won’t. You’re right.

AXEL: Good.

V, stressed: Right.

AXEL: Thanks Other…

[PAUSE]

AXEL: Now, I’m going to want hazard pay. I know you paid up front, but we almost got caught there. That was dangerous.

VIKKI OTHER: Oh! Uh, okay. How much were you thinking, like-

AXEL: Just stand still.

VIKKI OTHER: … Alright. What are you- AGH.

[AXEL GRUNTS AS VIKKI IS DECKED IN THE FACE.]

VIKKI OTHER: That hur- OW.

[VIKKI IS PUNCHED AGAIN]

VIKKI OTHER: Seriously, why are- GAH.

[VIKKI IS PUNCHED ONCE MORE.]

AXEL: Done.

VIKKI OTHER: Ugh… why’d you do that?

AXEL: Thought it might be cathartic. Y’know, I knew you in school, Other. You weren’t exactly the most pleasant person back then.

VIKKI OTHER: Huh? I- people liked me back then!

AXEL: [LAUGHS] Sure. They thought you were funny. But that’s a long way from being liked. You seriously think people liked having you gallivanting around with the blonde and her friends, sticking your microphone into peoples faces and asking them basically unanswerable questions? No.

VIKKI OTHER: But… I don’t see how that means giving me a bloody nose?

AXEL: … you’re right. Guess it doesn’t. Huh. Maybe I just found you irritating enough tonight that it felt justified.

VIKKI OTHER: I… [PAUSE] okay then.

AXEL: Whatever. Get out of here before I turn your insides into fish filet, Other.

VIKKI OTHER: Right. Bye.

AXEL: Ciao.

[VIKKI TURNS]

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

VIKKI OTHER: Darling listeners… I [panting], have found out I dropped my keys back in the archives… somewhere. So right now, I am currently trying to get into my house. I have a rock in my hand. [V HUFFS AS THEY THROW IT] The rock has left my hand…

[GLASS SHATTERING]

And the rock has entered my house through the window. Now give me one second…

[THEY SHIMMY AND CLIMB INSIDE]

Okay- good- ack.

[THEY SIGH]

[SOMEONE MEOWS]

Oh, hey kala. Khalababy… there you are… thanks, sweetie.

No, don’t lick me. My face is all bloody right now. And my hands- Ow… you can bathe me in the glory of your mouth sponge later when I’m blood free, baby. Yeah.

Alright… until then… um.

I’m tired.

From my timeline to yours… this is… [YAWN]

Radio Othefjhdkjshkjh