Collections

RADIO OTHER

EPISODE SIX: COLLECTIONS

Writer, Editor, and Director: Finley Cole

Voices: Finley Cole (Vikki Other)



(rustling)

L, muttering to herself: That’s okay…. unimportant…. I hope whoever writes your emails dies…. Urgh…

V: Lizzy?

L: Vikki?! Oh- God, you nearly gave me a heart attack. Wh- why are you here? I told you not to-

V: I know, I know.

V:...

V: I’m sorry.

(pause)

V: I noticed you gave me your anxiety prescription the other day, when you gave me those papers? I wanted to return it.

L: … you could have just called me, y’know.

V: I didn’t think you’d want to see me. I mean, Ellie and George have made it pretty clear they like me about as far as they can spit. Actually, we had a contest like that when we were in fifth grade, I don’t know if you remember, but–

L: Vikki, Vikki, stop.

(Vikki shuts up, for some reason)

L: It’s not that I don’t want to see you anymore. I…

L: Nevermind. Th-thanks for giving that back. Um. I’ll see you around town.

V: … got it.

(neither speak)

V: Hey Lizzy?

L, a bit annoyed: Yeah?

V: Do… Do you and the others still talk about freshman year?

(Lizzy is caught off guard by this)

L: Um- No. Not really. Why?

V: I heard Ellie talking about it, the other day. She sounded like she was still mad about it.

L: …

L: Well, that’s Ellie’s problem. I… I haven’t been angry about that in a long time. You were a kid, Vikki. We all were.

L: It wasn’t in our control.

V: Obviously.

V: I just sometimes wonder if I had been a few minutes earlier whether-

L: Vikki. Just- don’t. Don’t.

V: Right. Um, sorry.

(Vikki coughs)

V: Well, see ya later elevator?

L, faintly amused: That’s so wrong.

V: Oh, everyone’s a critic!

L, sounding like she’s trying not to smile: Oh, just go already, Vik.

V, definitely smiling: … you too Liz.

V: Welcome back, darling listeners, and non-listeners! Cat lovers, dog lovers, chupacabra lovers, and those who adamantly deny the existence of cats, dogs, and chupacabras altogether! It’s me, the one known far and wide as Vikki Other. From my timeline to yours… this, is Radio Other.

(INTRO MUSIC)

V: Hey! So, um, you may remember I made plans last week to do an episode talking about my collections. Well, I realised somewhere during my set-up. Most of my collections are actually at my house! So, I had two options. Create a wormhole between the studio and my room, and slowly lug all the jars, boxes, and stuffed animals through one at a time… or just do my recording in my house.

I went with the second option. Some may call it lazy, but I think it’s simply being resourceful!

So welcome to my home. (fond, softer) It’s not much, but… I like it. Here,I’ll do some descriptions for you.

It’s one story cottage, with a basement, and a wide porch. It’s mostly dark wood, and there’s a garden in the back. Since most of Uncanny Valley is made up of backwoods, it’s hard to get to. I’ve got a bedroom over here… (footsteps) with a map of uncanny valley pinned to the ceiling. I drew it myself, back in… gosh, I think it was sophomore year? Yeah, that’s right.

Oh! Here’s a photo from Seventh Grade! (paper rustling) George had that terrible haircut still. That was the year Lizzy practically started living in cardigans, and Ellie has her “Entities Against Extraterrestrials” shirt on! One of her Moms gave her that, I think. Even back then she was adamantly denying the existence of scientifically proven entities!

And there’s me, in the neon polka dot sweater Lizzy’s grandma knitted me. I think it was Ellie’s birthday, actually. That’s why I’m wearing a paper crown. We went to Burger King, and as is custom with birthday parties there, were divided into factions and mercilessly pitted against each other in an all out mediaeval turf war held in the giant obstacle filled crater out back of every Burger King. Winner is fashioned the true “Burger King”, and given a free ice cream cone and blood pact membership to the secret society of Leaders that form the Ancient Burger Council. I still have my membership right here!

(Vikki sighs)

That was a while ago, though! And I’m here for other, more important things. It’s- (barking interrupts) Oh! Hey there! Listeners, Patrick is now asking for attention. That’s my golden retriever, by the way. (Sigh) Alright. C’mon big guy. Wanna follow Great Overlord Vikki to their collection room and tell all the lovely darling listeners about it? Yep! C’mon.

(footsteps)

(door creaking open)

This is the room where I keep all my collections. Back when I lived with my parents and brother, I kept them in our bedroom, and they called it my “Mom, that really weird person who says they’re my sibling is putting creepy things in my room again” shelf. I complained it was too long, and they usually hit me with brooms until I went back to the closet I mostly lived in, and complained about it to the spiders.

When I finally got my own place, I decided to make a whole room for them. It was…. Important to me. You might also be wondering how I got this house, with my meagre Radio Host/Podcast income. Well, listeners, I’d assume you don’t know how Uncanny Works, then! As all Villages that have been around as long as this one, the earth has developed a decent amount of sentience, meaning it feels emotions we do, including guilt, anxiety, joy, anxiety but more confusing, craving aesthetic completion, and spiders.

Basically, it takes care of its residents. Creates the perfect Unknowable pocket dimensions for businesses, the right ritual grounds for mysterious cults, and the perfect homes for families. This house used to be an empty, run down model home. When I finally moved out of my home after high school, with my back to the family I’d known all my life throwing sticks at me and yelling “Don’t come back!”, and my eyes and heart to the future, I retraced my steps to the first place I’d ever set foot. The room I was born in. They say home is where the mysterious introduction into reality's cold talons is, so… yeah.

When I made it back, I found that much like my own metamorphosis, the house had emerged from its own Cocoon, becoming something I could live happily in, complete with an expansive floor plan, working plumbing, a sentient statue garden, and rooms for collections. And I was drawn, like a moth to a flame, back to my roots.

Now, on to the collections- Khalabhiti don’t eat that. You silly kitty. Human souls are not for cats!

I guess I should start with my damned souls, then. As is proper care for human souls, they’re kept in Sacred glass bell jars, which I’ve decorated with stickers on the lid. I have seven of them - each for a different sin!

Charlotte is Greed, Bill is Wrath, Madrathax, Ruler of the Dark Ones is Pride, Lauren is Lust, Cello is Gluttony, Emma is Envy, and Forest is Sloth. I used to have a different one for Pride, but it turned out to be a ripoff - just a cat soul. Which is cheap, since everyone knows cats are bloody sinners and rat bastards who usually become Demons when they die.

After I released the cat, he did turn into a demon, but also a really nice guy! I think he works at the post office now.

Sadly, speaking of cats, Khalabiti’s breed makes her inclined to eating them. I have to remind her that there are perfectly healthy Souls Of The Innocent flavoured Meow Mix that I buy in bulk just for her! She’s still a good kitty though. Aren’t you, Kala-baby? Yes you are.

(purring)

I think I’m gonna make her our official Podcast mascot. Our podcast cat. Our podcat! Now that is just brilliant. A delectable blend of adorable and puntastic, making for a purrrfect word. All words should strive to be more adorable and puntastic, really. They’re qualities I really look for in my words.

Next up in my collection is animal bones. I kept a lot of the bones from my spiders, when they died. It was a hard time for me. Thankfully, I was able to carve the bones in time, and performance a Seance to speak one last time with them. They still only spoke dead languages, but I’d been brushing up on my French just for that occasion thankfully.

I’ve also got a dog leg, an antelope skull, a jackalope skull, and a rib of unknown origin. I take very good care of them. I think it’s important to keep the dead with you. We are all slowly falling into graves. We just don’t know how many feet deep we’ve gotten. And when I hit six feet, I find comfort in knowing that there are old bones more knowledgeable than me of my next steps.

Now, what else do we have … doo doo doo…. Ah! Snow Globes. I’m calling them snowglobes, but technically, some of them are sand globes, fog globes, dust globes, flesh particle globes, etc… This one is one of my favourites!

I got it during a trip I took the summer before Freshmen year. I got lost wandering in the woods thinking about my own mortality, and found myself on the Sunglow Beach halfway across the world. I bought a Sandglobe, and took it back through what turned out to be a small temporary wormhole that had opened up between Sunglow and Uncanny Valley.

That was when I was still allowed to travel. I mean, obviously, since it was… before freshman year…

Ok, this stack is a cool one. It’s money… that’s out of use. We call them “Dead Bills”.

I’ve got a few old Bloodstone medallions from the 13 Kingdoms, which are super neat. These (coins pouring) are some of the coins used in Atlantis for trading.

And here’s an old Illuminati one that-

Hang on.

Huh?

(muttering to self)

It says “United States of… America” across the top.

It- It says United States of America! Good lord, jumping jellybeans, this is more evidence!

I need to text Ellie of this news right now. It is most imperative she knows. I don’t know if she still will want to talk to me after the… CVS trip, but…. Well, if not, I”ll just bring her to her senses in another way. Probably involving some type of forced poetry reading. I have a lot of torture mechanisms involving poetry.

Still, this is fascinating. I had evidence under my nose this whole time.

So what does this mean?

Well, on one side, the bill says “Federal Reserve Note,” and below that “The united states of America.” In each corner, it has a small “one”, and in the centre, there’s a picture of what I’d say is a man with pale hair, and a fashionable fluffy collar. To the left, it says “New York”, to the right, “Washington, D.C”. The man’s portrait is also termed “Washington.”

On the other side, things get a bit more interesting. We have the same “One” motifs, with a tagline reading “One dollar” at the bottom. On the right, there’s an eagle crest, reading “E Plurbius Unum”. On the left, we have the Eye Of Providence, reading “Annuit Coeptus, Novos ordo seclorum”.

It also says “The Great Seal of The United States”

Now, since Latin is actually Ellie’s second language, she might do a better job of translating this, but I took some classes, so I’ll take a crack at it. “Annuit Coeptis” could translate to “Hw nodded our beginning”, which makes little to no sense. So I’m going to say I’m not translating that right. “Novos Ordo” means “New Order”, though.

So…

This raises a lot of questions.

This bill. It has symbols of two of our government branches - the New World Order, and the Illuminati. It also seems to indicate that The United States, whatever it is, was more than just a cult. It was - or is - a society. Possibly working with our government.

Maybe… maybe Ellie was right with her whole rampage against trusting the government. Could it be that our beloved leaders - like Our own Mothman, the moth, the myth, the president - are secretly working against us?

No… it can’t be that way.

But then again, I should know better than anyone that nothing is ever as it seems.

I can’t tell whether this raises more questions or answers.

Either way, though, I’ve found something big.

I suppose this is a good note to leave off on - a cliffhanger, that perilous moment in the balance between the grey jagged face of the stony rocks, and the churning uncaring maw of a dying sea.

I admit, sometimes I can’t tell whether I’m closer to the sea or the cliff.

So, from my timeline to yours…

This is Radio other.